tend-and-befriend response

Malaps

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30-09-2024

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Tend and Befriend: A Different Response to Stress

When faced with stress, our bodies often trigger the classic "fight-or-flight" response. This adrenaline-fueled reaction prepares us to either confront the threat or escape it. However, research suggests that women, and to a lesser extent men, often activate a different stress response: tend and befriend.

What is Tend and Befriend?

First proposed by Shelley Taylor in 1995, the tend-and-befriend response highlights the social nature of human stress response. It suggests that instead of fighting or fleeing, individuals may also react to stressors by:

• Tending: Nurturing and protecting themselves and others, particularly offspring. This might involve seeking out comfort, providing support, and engaging in self-soothing activities.
• Befriending: Seeking social support and forming alliances with others. This can involve reaching out to friends, family, or community members for assistance, comfort, and shared resources.

Why is it Different?

The tend-and-befriend response is often linked to the hormone oxytocin, which promotes social bonding and pro-social behaviors. Research by Professor Dr. Nicole C. Bell (Source) indicates that oxytocin plays a crucial role in regulating stress responses and fostering social connection. This response is particularly prevalent in women, who tend to have higher levels of oxytocin than men.

Benefits of Tend and Befriend

The tend-and-befriend response offers several advantages:

• Social Support: Forming strong social connections helps buffer against stress and promotes mental and physical well-being. Research by Dr. Kristin D. Ness (Source) demonstrates how social support acts as a stress buffer, mitigating negative effects on health.
• Shared Resources: Collaboration and cooperation can help individuals overcome challenges they might not be able to handle alone. This is particularly crucial in situations where survival depends on collective effort.
• Protection of Offspring: The instinct to protect offspring, especially for mothers, is a powerful motivator for nurturing and seeking support during stressful times.

Practical Examples

• Mothers: A mother who has just given birth may experience significant stress. Instead of fleeing, she may tend to her baby, seeking help from her partner, family, or friends.
• Community: During natural disasters, communities often come together to provide support, shelter, and resources to those affected.
• Workplace: In a stressful work environment, employees may seek out their colleagues for advice, support, and collaboration to overcome challenges.

The Importance of Recognizing Both Responses

It's crucial to acknowledge that both fight-or-flight and tend-and-befriend responses are natural and adaptive. Understanding both responses allows us to identify individual differences in stress reactions and develop more effective coping strategies.

Conclusion

The tend-and-befriend response provides a valuable framework for understanding the social dimension of stress response. By focusing on nurturing, social support, and cooperation, this response helps individuals cope with stressful situations and build resilience. Understanding both the fight-or-flight and tend-and-befriend responses allows for more nuanced understanding of stress and provides a wider range of tools for managing its effects.